Silence

Often I find that the most valuable times of my day are the ones spent alone in thought. There is something special and different about time spent in silence, to the extent that productivity and creativity reach their peaks. In times like these, when the events surrounding me are full of questions and suffering, it is especially important to carve time out of the day to spend in silence, alone. Thinking. Wondering. Doubting. Wishing. Those four words describe some of my favorite things to do, things that there is never time enough in the day for.

All that being said, living in silence is the very opposite of our design. We are meant to live in community, surrounded and affected by the people around us. For all of the productivity and "solving the world's problems" which goes along with time spent alone in silence, I am never as complete or happy as I am when with others. Not only do I lose that joy when I am alone, but I begin to lose focus on those around me, a focus which is integral to who I am. With that in mind, I wrote this. I call it Silence. Enjoy.

There Is Always Hope. Always.

The last time it happened I didn't understand. I was sitting in the place I call home, a place that I love, a place full of people I love and love me. I could not understand the level of loneliness and brokenness that must have been. The best way to describe the way I felt is confused. Completely, totally confused. No matter how greatly I tried to understand, I could not. This time is no different. I do not understand, not one bit. Yet to try and understand would be to try and step into a pair of shoes which I have no business trying to stand in. I do not understand, nor should I.

In situations like these I find myself trying to rationalize or justify or explain what just happened. I try to spin it such that I can say to myself and others "don't worry, everything will be okay", even if that simply isn't the case. The thing is, things like this aren't supposed to happen where I come from, to the people I grew up with. It's like being hit by a train when you didn't even know there were tracks nearby. It's shocking and jarring and confusing all at the same time, a crazy mix of emotions that doesn't add up to anything.

Stepping Back

As much as I enjoy writing and putting my thoughts to paper, I decided that it would be a good idea to step away for a little while and let my mind decompress. That led to the recent period of silence in this space, silence that was good for me and my own experience. No more explanation is necessary - nor desired, I suspect.