Story

During the last few weeks, I've spent inordinate amount of time reevaluating myself, my passions and my purpose. These things change, you know, as time goes by. The overarching ideas and ideals tend to remain, but the specifics change with the seasons, the environment and the community I find myself in. This isn't to say that any one set of ideals are better than another, but rather a recognition of the fact that things change.

Over time, I've come to learn about my need for a battle to fight, some issue or cause or idea with which to dedicate my time and energy and zeal. Sometimes I forget about this piece of myself and slip into the trap that is complacency, repetition and boredom. I hate these times, especially when I become aware of them, because a life lived in this manner is so antithetical to both the person I am and to the person I hope to be.

The End of a Journey

Today perhaps the greatest journey I have traveled thus far in life comes to an end. For the last four years, I have studied and learned and grown and changed, always moving with today in mind, with this end on the horizon. Strangely enough, I never really expected that today would come. Yes, I knew it was a relative certainty. But I also never thought that these four years would go by so quickly. In four years I have formed lasting friendships, traveled the world, developed as both a leader and a learner and grown immensely as a person. If today I met the person who walked into this place in 2007, I wonder if I would even recognize myself.

Spending this time at Our Lady's University has been wonderful, an experience that I will treasure for the rest of my time on this earth. Being able to find a place that becomes home so quickly yet so truly is something I doubt I will ever experience again.

Yet while this path is coming to an end today, another path begins. I am not entirely sure where it leads, but the surprise is half the fun anyway. I don't expect that the next journey I go on will come near to what this one has been, but perhaps it doesn't need to match this one. Regardless, I know now like I did four years ago that there is but one way for me approach this new journey before me:

Afoot and lighthearted, I take to the open road.

And so on...

Some Thoughts

Sometimes I worry that I take life too seriously. Other times I get concerned that I don't take each moment seriously enough. If I take life too seriously I fear that I'll miss out on the lighter side of things, the times when I can be myself and not worry about who is watching. On the other hand, if I don't take life seriously enough I run the risk of missing out on opportunities and possibilities; if I spend my time focused on fun rather than moving forward, I might never make it out of my seat.

It is incredibly important that I find the balance between taking moments seriously or not. A time for everything, as they say.

And so on...

A Quiet Desperation

Sometimes it is necessary to be honest with oneself. If I am going to take "γνῶθι σεαυτόν" seriously then I have to be willing to look myself in the eye and say what needs to be said, to explore things that it would be convenient to ignore. I like to think that I am a fairly self-aware individual, a person who doesn't shy away from reality for the sake of convenience.

Deep down, beneath all my pretentions and hangups, I really just want to be wanted.

It isn't a matter of loneliness or community. I have friends, family, brothers and people to talk to and lean on. Sometimes those categories blur, sometimes they do not. I can walk into a room and see individuals both glad and annoyed that I am there. This is natural, I think, part of most people's life experience. I wouldn't trade the reality of who I am and the existence I lead for anything.

Selling Myself

9/20/2010
Oh, the joys of hunting for jobs. I have my first interview of this year later today, and I am both excited about it and dreading it equally. This would normally lead to a discussion of "the game" and how much I hate playing it, but I don't have time for that. Instead, this is more of a study on anxiety.

The reason I hate selling myself in this way is because I never feel genuine with the claims I have to make. For example, I know I'll never be the best for any position, but I also know I have as good an ability to learn and succeed as anyone. But selling myself requires that I convince the interviewer/boss/whoever that I am far and away more prepared and qualified than anyone and everyone else. When this is blatantly untrue, I don't exactly enjoy trying to sell that fact.