Slide

Sometimes I think I should start a blog concerned with nothing beyond the movie Fight Club and the philosophies and thoughts contained within it. I would never argue that it is the best movie ever made, but I have learned more from it than from any other film. If you have not yet noticed, many of the posts in this blog reference or explicitly quote the film in one way or another. This post is no different. Bear with me.

One of my favorite scenes from the film is known as Human Sacrifice. Before we go any further, please click the link and watch the scene. Thanks. Now we can continue. While Tyler Durden's thought process is questionable and his results are debatable, perhaps the most important part of this scene is a voiceover the Narrator (Edward Norton) gives in passing as the two men leave the convenience store: "No fear, no distractions. The ability to let that which does not matter truly slide."

I cited that statement over social media earlier this year and was quickly presented with this (likely rhetorical) question: "How do you do that?" Simple question, but certainly relevant. I do think there is something to find, otherwise I wouldn't look. That said, here we go.

Purpose

Expanding on my previous post (The Open Road?), I believe it is important to identify why the uncertainty before me on my path is so unnerving. Certainly if anyone looks far enough ahead, they won't be able to see what is coming. This is a circumstance that affects each and every one of us, and is a natural part of our humanity. Do not think that I wish to know the future. Rather, I wish to know which path on the Open Road to take. This is quite often unclear.

The problem is purpose. "It is purpose that pulls us, that guides us, that drives us. It is purpose that defines us." Without purpose, there is no reason to wake up in the morning. Without purpose, there is no reason to be. I need a reason to get up in the morning; otherwise, it is too easy to sleep until noon and accomplish nothing during the day. It is too easy to sit at my desk from 8 to 5, five days out of seven, and let that be my life's work. If 8 to 5 becomes my life's work, I will be ashamed of myself. If I define myself by my job, I will want nothing to do with myself.

You are not your job. Et cetera.

Throughout my life, I have always been able to identify a purpose for myself. I gave my best effort in high school in order to give myself a better chance at being accepted into my dream college. Whether it was sports, academics, clubs or student government, I pushed myself to excel and involved myself extensively in order to build a college resume. Certainly college wasn't my only motive for the things I did in high school, but it was a significant driver behind every decision. Having accomplished that goal, my purpose became developing as a person and expanding myself while working to graduate from the University. Thus far, this goal is well in hand and right on schedule. My GPA might not be as high as I would like, but it is good enough. I spent four months overseas, learning new things about the world and myself in equal parts. I have met new people, studied new subjects, placed myself in situations that were previously foreign to me. I am well on my way to fulfilling that purpose.

But what after that? What becomes my purpose? It could be to get a job, to become a self-sustaining individual. It could be finding a cause with which to dedicate myself. It could be to find someone to love and learn from, and to build a life together with them. It could be all of these in some combination. But I do not know. If someone were to ask me what my purpose is going to be after I graduate, I would not have an answer. "I don't know" is the best I could do. The uncertainty that scares me is the ambiguous nature of my future purpose.

I have written before about my search for a cause that I am passionate about. I believe that may be my purpose right now; aside from finishing school, finding a job, etc. - my purpose might be to find the cause I am willing to fight for. I am in no hurry to find my future partner in life. I am not willing to commit to someone in that way just yet. But I want to improve the world I live in. I want to leave my mark. I am afraid of looking back on my life and wondering what my purpose was, wondering if I created or inspired positive change in this world, wondering if I affected any person's life. I am scared to death of looking back and being dissapointed.

I am looking for my purpose. As I (and Don Miller) have written before, sometimes you need to see someone love something or be passionate about it before you can love it or be passionate about it. I would love to hear about your passions. I would feel blessed to know what drives you. Maybe you are looking for purpose as well. Perhaps we can find it together.

And so on...

A Weight on My...Legs

Has anyone ever told you they felt like there was a weight on their shoulders at one point or another? That something was creating the illusion of a bearing a physical burden, and that before they could relax or not be anxious they had to make it so the weight was lifted? People I know talk about that kind of thing all the time. Usually its harmless, such as a project being due at work or an impending dentist appointment. Nobody likes the dentist. My dentist is a very kind person, but the profession doesn’t suit him. Too much poking and prodding and cutting and drilling. Makes me cringe just thinking about it. So you might see a way someone could justify feeling a weight on their shoulders leading up to an event as horrifying as a root canal. Which brings me to my point: today I woke up, got dressed and drove my little suburban car from my suburban home and went to work. Strangely enough, as I walked from my acres away parking spot toward the building, my knees began to ache. Before you ask, no, I don’t have knee problems. They aren’t falling apart, and I’m not going to go to the doctor or physical therapist. Rather, it felt like there was a weight on my legs, similar to that weight people describe as being attached to their shoulders. I started wondering why this was happening, as I didn’t have anything terrible or frightening ahead of me today. Not even this week. Then it hit me. I’m living in my early twenties, just beginning my tour of duty in the American workforce. If I work until the standard retirement age, that gives me between thirty and forty years to spend moving up the corporate ladder or stuck in a dead end job. Over those forty years, five days out of seven I will spend sitting in an office, staring at a computer screen. Eight hours per day of doing menial tasks and accomplishing nothing.

This is not what life should look like.

As Chuck Pahlaniuk wrote, “this is your life, and it’s ending one minute at a time”. That weight on my legs, holding them down and bringing them stress, is a burden caused by the contrast between what my future should look like and what it will look like, if I keep going this direction. Each of us is only given one lifetime to spend on this earth, some shorter than others. Don’t we owe it to ourselves, the people we love, and the one who gave us life to live our lives as fully as possible? I don’t want to look back fifty years from now and say I wrote mortgages, that was my purpose. I don’t want you to look back and say I pressed a button in a factory, that was my purpose.

That is not your purpose.

Your purpose is to further yourself, to improve the world, to love yourself and others – all to the best of your ability. Your purpose is to see new things, explore the wonders of the world, and be awed by them. The world was created for us to explore, engage with and enjoy. This cannot be done from a 5x7 cubicle with Google Maps. Living life means getting dirty, getting lost, getting hurt and getting the chance to see, do and find things that you have never seen, done or found before.

Don’t read this as a PSA for the travel industry. It isn’t. The place to start is in your own home, then in your community, among the marginalized and outcast, slowly moving out into the rest of the world. No single location is better than any other. London, Ohio is no better or worse than London, England. More people have visited one than the other, but both have a place in the world and value to add to your being. It is impossible to know where you are going until you understand where you came from and where you are. You cannot know yourself completely without engaging and learning from the people around you.

To steal from Chuck again, you are not your job, you are not how much money you have in the bank, you are not the car you drive, you are not your clothes or your furniture. You are you, nothing more and nothing less. "I say may I never be content. I say deliver me from Swedish furniture. I say deliver me from clever art." Our lives are ending one day, one minute, one moment at a time. I owe it to myself to create the best version of me that is possible, free from materialism and social pressures. Willing and able to place myself among the marginalized, among the incomplete and insecure, finding truth and joy where the masses choose not to look. I am afraid that I will waste the opportunity I have been given. My focus should be on the outcasts, not the outlets. Doing so allows me to affect the world around me, as well as develop myself into the person I want to become.

Anything less is a tragedy.

With all due respect to Tyler Durden...

You are a beautiful and unique snowflake. While you may be made of 'the same decaying organic matter as everything else', the essence of who you are is markedly different than anyone else who has walked this planet. There is no other person, now or ever, who has embodied a person in the same way that you have. Such uniqueness provides a basis for the freedoms we all share and enjoy. Without uniqueness, there would be no basis for individualism.

I mention the name Tyler Durden with a point in mind; while I learned a great deal from the anti-materialistic views portrayed by his character, the struggle against popular culture and society, I take issue with his understanding of how best to live life. Clearly, the idea of a Project Mayhem is meant to be read as satire, but in many ways society tries to force this same one-ness and similarity. I do not want to wear cologne. I do not want to drive a Mercedes-Benz. I am perfectly content with the shampoo I currently use. I do not feel the need to look, smell, act, eat, think, talk and believe just as everyone else does. For college students, it is a North Face jacket and Nike shoes. For Tyler it was a shaved head and black t-shirts. This is not an option for me.

I was told recently that the marketing department of a large and important corporation in my hometown is overstaffed and in danger of trimming its headcount. Does a marketing department really need to be staffed by more than a handful of people? Certainly it is necessary to bring value to a firm, but I would expect less embracing of marketing campaigns by those with no financial interest in the company. Why does society condone the idea of marketing - the art of telling you what to think, to say and most importantly of all, to buy - and allow it to permeate every niche of our existence? If I am watching XYZ television network, not only am I barraged by fifteen minutes of commercials for every hour the television is on, but I am subliminally marketed to through the use of product placement and other means in the hopes of making me identify with the characters and wanting me to buy what they buy in a means to replicate the life I am seeing on television. Do I really want to dress like George Clooney, or smell like David Beckham? This is not an option for me.

The people I have been drawn to most in life are those people who have the least in common with those around them. The ones who stick out of the crowd, who can be seen from across a room tend to be those whose words have a lasting impact. The individuals who have most impacted the world generally do not look like what you see on television. Take note of this and consider what implications it may have. They are more numerous and more important than you may initially believe.

I prefer to pave my own way. My lack of designer jeans and overpriced shoes does not change who I am one iota. I am a beautiful and unique snowflake. No others are as I am. I aim to preserve this.