Trust, And Other Things

I was dangerously close to becoming dangerously cynical only a matter of days ago. To be fair, I've always been a very skeptical person, bordering cynicism in some cases. Asking questions and challenging assumptions are things I do on a regular basis, and this can sometimes lead to serious bouts with cynicism. But at the same time, I've also been someone who more often than not gives people the benefit of the doubt and trusts others more than I probably should. I've often been afraid that this willingness to trust would come back to bite me. And it did. And I quickly began to doubt everything.

There Is Always Hope. Always.

The last time it happened I didn't understand. I was sitting in the place I call home, a place that I love, a place full of people I love and love me. I could not understand the level of loneliness and brokenness that must have been. The best way to describe the way I felt is confused. Completely, totally confused. No matter how greatly I tried to understand, I could not. This time is no different. I do not understand, not one bit. Yet to try and understand would be to try and step into a pair of shoes which I have no business trying to stand in. I do not understand, nor should I.

In situations like these I find myself trying to rationalize or justify or explain what just happened. I try to spin it such that I can say to myself and others "don't worry, everything will be okay", even if that simply isn't the case. The thing is, things like this aren't supposed to happen where I come from, to the people I grew up with. It's like being hit by a train when you didn't even know there were tracks nearby. It's shocking and jarring and confusing all at the same time, a crazy mix of emotions that doesn't add up to anything.

There Is Always Hope

“We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will.”
- Chuck Palahniuk

“Remember, Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.”
- Andy Dufresne

“Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up.”
- Anne Lamott